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Four Biblical Steps to Finding ‘The One’


Step 1: Create Standards


  • Biblical Basis: 2 Corinthians 6:14 (“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers…”)

Key Characteristics and Considerations:

  1. Belief System
    • The potential partner should be a believer, especially if you are a Christian.
    • Importance of shared values and beliefs for a harmonious relationship.
  2. Assessment of Character
    • Evaluate the character of the person you are interested in.
    • Consider how they make decisions and their decision-making wisdom.
    • Observe their work ethic and dedication.
    • Assess their love and commitment to God.
    • Evaluate how they treat others, including parents, superiors, and strangers.
    • Look for signs of kindness, compassion, and love in their behavior.
  3. Behavioral Traits
    • How they handle pressure and stress.
    • Conflict resolution skills.
    • Communication effectiveness and clarity.
    • Whether they prioritize your needs above their own.
    • Influence on your spiritual life: do they lead you to sin or closer to God?
    • Their ability to provide care and support in various aspects of life.
  4. Personal Reflection Questions
    • What qualities do you seek in a life partner?
    • Consider traits like a sense of humor, supportiveness, and communicative ability.
    • Reflect on your career goals, living preferences, family plans, and life values.
    • Determine what matters most to you in a spouse and in life.

Importance of Standards:

  • Establishing clear standards helps ensure that you connect with someone who aligns with your values and life goals.
  • Helps avoid future compromises that could be harmful to the relationship.


  • Be mindful that relationships are complex, and no partner will be perfect in all aspects.
  • Standards should guide you in making a wise choice, but they should also be balanced with understanding and compassion.

Step 2: Get Wisdom


  • Biblical Basis: Proverbs 15:22 (“Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors, they are established.”)

Key Actions and Sources:

  1. Seeking Experienced Counsel
    • Importance of consulting with individuals who have successful, long-term marriages.
    • Potential sources of counsel include parents, pastors, and other respected community members.
  2. Valuing Diverse Perspectives
    • Encouraged to listen to a variety of viewpoints on marriage and relationships.
    • Understanding that while not all advice will be directly applicable, it can provide valuable insights.
  3. Application of Learned Wisdom
    • Using the guidance received to refine personal standards for a spouse.
    • Considering how this counsel aligns with personal and spiritual values.


  • Consulting with experienced individuals can provide practical wisdom and help avoid common pitfalls in relationships.
  • Helps in making a well-informed decision about choosing a life partner.


  • Recognize that no single piece of advice fits all situations; it’s important to filter advice through personal values and circumstances.

Step 3: Learn About Relationships


  • Biblical Basis: Philippians 1:9-10 (“I pray that your love will overflow more and more and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding.”)

Key Learning Strategies:

  1. Educational Growth in Relationships
    • Encouraged to actively seek knowledge about relationships and marriage.
    • Importance of understanding the dynamics of a healthy relationship.
  2. Recommended Reading
    • Suggestion to read “The Sacred Search” by Gary Thomas, which discusses finding a life partner.
    • The book emphasizes the need for wisdom in choosing a partner and offers practical advice.
  3. Understanding Emotional Dynamics
    • Awareness of the dangers of infatuation and distinguishing it from true love.
    • Importance of not letting emotions alone guide relationship decisions.


  • Expanding knowledge and understanding of relationships aids in preparing for the challenges and joys of marriage.
  • Helps individuals make more informed and thoughtful decisions about their partners.


  • Be aware of the limitations of theoretical knowledge; real-life relationships also require practical wisdom and emotional intelligence.

Step 4: Stay in Prayer


  • Biblical Basis: Ephesians 6:18 (“Praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication…”)

Key Practices:

  1. Consistent Prayer Life
    • Stresses the importance of regular prayer for guidance and strength in relationship decisions.
    • Prayer as a means of staying connected to God’s wisdom and guidance.
  2. Seeking Divine Guidance
    • Recognizing the role of spiritual insight in navigating relationship complexities.
    • Requesting clarity and protection from God in matters of the heart.
  3. Understanding Relationship Challenges
    • Acknowledging that relationships involve dealing with personal flaws and life challenges.
    • Prayer as a tool for seeking patience, understanding, and love in dealing with these challenges.


  • Prayer is seen as essential for seeking and maintaining divine guidance and support in the journey of finding a life partner.
  • Helps in staying aligned with spiritual values while navigating personal relationships.


  • While prayer is vital, it is also important to take practical steps and use wisdom in relationship matters.

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