Step 1: Create Standards
Reference:
- Biblical Basis: 2 Corinthians 6:14 (“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers…”)
Key Characteristics and Considerations:
- Belief System
- The potential partner should be a believer, especially if you are a Christian.
- Importance of shared values and beliefs for a harmonious relationship.
- Assessment of Character
- Evaluate the character of the person you are interested in.
- Consider how they make decisions and their decision-making wisdom.
- Observe their work ethic and dedication.
- Assess their love and commitment to God.
- Evaluate how they treat others, including parents, superiors, and strangers.
- Look for signs of kindness, compassion, and love in their behavior.
- Behavioral Traits
- How they handle pressure and stress.
- Conflict resolution skills.
- Communication effectiveness and clarity.
- Whether they prioritize your needs above their own.
- Influence on your spiritual life: do they lead you to sin or closer to God?
- Their ability to provide care and support in various aspects of life.
- Personal Reflection Questions
- What qualities do you seek in a life partner?
- Consider traits like a sense of humor, supportiveness, and communicative ability.
- Reflect on your career goals, living preferences, family plans, and life values.
- Determine what matters most to you in a spouse and in life.
Importance of Standards:
- Establishing clear standards helps ensure that you connect with someone who aligns with your values and life goals.
- Helps avoid future compromises that could be harmful to the relationship.
Caution:
- Be mindful that relationships are complex, and no partner will be perfect in all aspects.
- Standards should guide you in making a wise choice, but they should also be balanced with understanding and compassion.
Step 2: Get Wisdom
Reference:
- Biblical Basis: Proverbs 15:22 (“Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors, they are established.”)
Key Actions and Sources:
- Seeking Experienced Counsel
- Importance of consulting with individuals who have successful, long-term marriages.
- Potential sources of counsel include parents, pastors, and other respected community members.
- Valuing Diverse Perspectives
- Encouraged to listen to a variety of viewpoints on marriage and relationships.
- Understanding that while not all advice will be directly applicable, it can provide valuable insights.
- Application of Learned Wisdom
- Using the guidance received to refine personal standards for a spouse.
- Considering how this counsel aligns with personal and spiritual values.
Importance:
- Consulting with experienced individuals can provide practical wisdom and help avoid common pitfalls in relationships.
- Helps in making a well-informed decision about choosing a life partner.
Caution:
- Recognize that no single piece of advice fits all situations; it’s important to filter advice through personal values and circumstances.
Step 3: Learn About Relationships
Reference:
- Biblical Basis: Philippians 1:9-10 (“I pray that your love will overflow more and more and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding.”)
Key Learning Strategies:
- Educational Growth in Relationships
- Encouraged to actively seek knowledge about relationships and marriage.
- Importance of understanding the dynamics of a healthy relationship.
- Recommended Reading
- Suggestion to read “The Sacred Search” by Gary Thomas, which discusses finding a life partner.
- The book emphasizes the need for wisdom in choosing a partner and offers practical advice.
- Understanding Emotional Dynamics
- Awareness of the dangers of infatuation and distinguishing it from true love.
- Importance of not letting emotions alone guide relationship decisions.
Importance:
- Expanding knowledge and understanding of relationships aids in preparing for the challenges and joys of marriage.
- Helps individuals make more informed and thoughtful decisions about their partners.
Caution:
- Be aware of the limitations of theoretical knowledge; real-life relationships also require practical wisdom and emotional intelligence.
Step 4: Stay in Prayer
Reference:
- Biblical Basis: Ephesians 6:18 (“Praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication…”)
Key Practices:
- Consistent Prayer Life
- Stresses the importance of regular prayer for guidance and strength in relationship decisions.
- Prayer as a means of staying connected to God’s wisdom and guidance.
- Seeking Divine Guidance
- Recognizing the role of spiritual insight in navigating relationship complexities.
- Requesting clarity and protection from God in matters of the heart.
- Understanding Relationship Challenges
- Acknowledging that relationships involve dealing with personal flaws and life challenges.
- Prayer as a tool for seeking patience, understanding, and love in dealing with these challenges.
Importance:
- Prayer is seen as essential for seeking and maintaining divine guidance and support in the journey of finding a life partner.
- Helps in staying aligned with spiritual values while navigating personal relationships.
Caution:
- While prayer is vital, it is also important to take practical steps and use wisdom in relationship matters.